Beautifully in over my head

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in

Let love come teach me who You are again

Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You

And all I wanted was just to be with You

Come and do whatever You want to

In the midst of reading about the problems in the construction industry, tears started to well up while listening to this beautiful song. 

In over my head: 

2. (idiomatic) More than one can handle; too much (especially in over one’s head).

This song has been on repeat for a month now and I only understood the real meaning of it today. I guess the song stuck in my head represented my entire emotions throughout the month of December. 

Lord, tear down those boxes I have tried to put you in. Help me to see from your perspective instead of mine. I may not fully understand your ways but take my hand and guide me through this unknown path; for your ways are higher than mine.  

Amen. 

Alone

Hello stalkers who have clicked on the link on Instagram and Twitter! Indeed, this is not a fake website but it is a blog filled with my emotional thoughts, my complicated feelings, my struggles with life, how I suck it up and continue to trust in Jesus despite the circumstances. 

Hello. That summed up this entire blog and I should consider putting that as my background info. OK BACK TO BLOGGING about my life. I mean, that's why you're here right? Which guy did Sarah like? What happened? What happened between the both of them? Is she still considering to become a cell group leader? How is she? is she ok? Why is she always thankful for her friends? 

Actually I really got my life in order now and I really like how things are now. I've got a personal trainer now to help me sculpt my body and to teach me those cool moves. This is entirely inspired by Kourtney Kardashian honestly because I wake up every morning to her personal training snaps. 

I decided to take on personal training at Celebrity Fitness in Junction 10 (that is really near my house), not because I want to lose weight (making a mini disclaimer) but because I think its time for me to learn how to focus on myself and my fitness. More importantly, I want to feel good about myself. I want to wear that bikini in siloso beach and kayak. I want to be even more confident and people around me will rise up to my level. 

Its the 11th January. I just ended my first training with fiz (my trainer) and she's friggin dope I swear. I died for an instant while doing some of the workouts but ITS SO WORTH IT. I love the idea of someone pushing me and teaching me the right and proper techniques. 

This first training experience was a challenge for me because it was to the point where it became mind over body. On hindsight, it feels so rewarding after accomplishing so many different types of workouts. Although my muscles are aching so much now, its the best feeling ever. 

Another thing I learnt this week was that I really like being alone sometimes. I haven't specially gone out with someone or a group of people since Sunday. Going to BBDC on my own, having lunches alone, going for personal training alone... made me realize that its okay to be alone and it feels nice and refreshing (introverted people I really understand now). 

Somehow the fear of losing people in my life.. seems to be fading away. 

I remember when I was in secondary school, I used to say this, 'People come and go, money comes and go but I don't come and go'. Its based on my own convictions that I don't wish to come and go into people's lives. However, I came to a place where I am okay when people come and go. And I am emotionally okay when people choose to walk out of my life. 

Prof Lu discussed about happiness during his lecture today. He said that most people define happiness based on their relationships and obviously I was very captivated by this. He expounded on how happiness is based on 2 types of relationships, mainly for 1. Connections and 2. Quality Relationships. 

I think I am happy. Honestly. I share so many quality relationships. Not just with my family but with my best friends too. I think I am honestly very blessed to have a complete family and a bunch of quality friends. 

I am happy with my life. Life can be tough and shit can be thrown at me but life still goes on. Work still goes on, the world still revolves around the sun, no one is going to wait for me to mope around and be sad. I've got the most powerful creator behind my back and in front of me. 

For those of you who are discontented with life. I don't know what your struggles are, I don't know what has happened in your family or that drama between you and your ex. But I understand and it hurts. You cry, you try all ways to move on, you become vindictive, you's ask yourself, WHY IS THE WORLD AGAINST ME?

I'm not some cell group leader but trust me, I've been hurt. And I completely understand. 

All you need to do is to acknowledge your feelings, move on, do something about it and be happy and contented. Say no to the things you don't want to do, say yes to the things YOU WANT to do. 

haha sounds so easy but its hell difficult I swear. 

Searching everywhere

Hi everyone! Hi stalkers and Instagram profile checkers who have clicked on this link. 

(Now playing: Love on the brain - Rihanna) 

Happy New Year to everyone. 2016 has been a tough year, for me at least. A week of the new year have passed and 90% of people I've interacted said that 2016 was a rollercoaster, emotional, etc. Well, that's for me as well. 

2016 was emotionally tiring for me and it was about trying new things too. Changing cell groups, being a clan head for church camp, stepping out of my comfort zone, had an awesome and stressful internship with Corporate-I, camped in and out of CLB with fiona (we spent approximately more than 100 hours there in 2016 alone), endless projects, worked on a tender with my parents for the first time and so many more experiences. All these moulded me into who I am today, though. 

There are still many questions left unanswered in my head. Questions that only God can answer and no one else can. But all that remains in 2016 and I've made a conscious decision to move on from those uncertainty. 

This question has been lingering in my head since 2017 started. Do I know who am I? Have I found myself? 

Yes, no, I don't know, but its probably a yes. I would say that the issues and circumstances that happened in 2016 moulded and defined who I was. It was in 2016 that I took a step of faith to believe in my parents vision to introduce the value of play into society. 2016 was also the year I decided to plunge into the unknown waters of a completely new cell group. Perhaps taking over my parents' company and becoming a cell group leader seems to be the path set out for me. But is it really want I want? Or rather, what God wants? 

But who exactly is Sarah Lee here? I guess I'll never ever find out this answer because relationships are always changing, my circumstances change, views change, my character, my personality gets modified a certain way. 'I'm going to travel to the US to find myself' or, 'I'm going to travel to find myself', are those things the internet says or some self-help books say. Yea right, that bullshit ain't gonna happen. I think travelling gives people new perspectives but it doesn't allow you to find your life purpose. 

How am I going to attempt to find myself? 

2017 is going to be about finding out more about myself and finding out more perspectives about life. 2017 is not going to be about finding love because I've realized that God is love, family is love and friends are love. 

My driving license is on its way and my Seattle dream is finally coming true. 2017 is going to be about saying more nos than yeses. 2017 is going to be about loving myself, my family and best friends. 

No one is going to dictate what I do, my choices, who I want to hang out with, how I want to spend my time, who I spend my time with. Life is unpredictable and I am unpredictable. haha.