I was a liar, I gave into the fire

Hey all, nice to see quite a number of views for the previous post. My life's seriously quite mundane now, its just work, sleep, texting, eating Wati's food, coughing like hell. 

The topic of relationship has been lingering in my head for a bit now, so I think I'm gonna talk about relationships in this post. yah. 

I guess most of the readers of this unforsaken blog are about 18-20 years old? That's the age where our hormones are raging, we desire attention from the opposite sex (or the same sex?), we want someone to be there for us, instantaneous replies in What's App, care and concern, to fill in that barren hole in us....... yes. 

I suppose this is a very general, sweeping statement to some people, but its kind of true to a certain extent, to me. 

After having bits and pieces of conversations here and there about relationships with a few people, I realised that I'm not ready for one. 

Well. Here's why. I feel that there's definitely much more to life besides being in a relationship for a nineteen year old like me. Trust me, I was in a relationship during my JC years. I think I would know a little bit, just a little tiny bit about being in a relationship, or rather a burden one. 

To me, right now, in my current status of life, I feel that there's more to cuddling with your partner on bed watching Arrow or Game of Thrones, holding hands, going on dates to some artsy fartsy cafes. There's so much more to do and enjoy life as it is. 

In fact, someone recently who told me this, 'Do you know that we're actually damn young to be in a relationship? We're going to uni, there's gonna be internships, exchange programmes, hall, friends, orientation boot camps. You'll feel so restricted.' 

That guy really got me thinking about this. After thinking about it, I realised that it is very true. I realised that its really quite burdensome to be in a relationship and yet juggle with studies, family and friends. Furthermore, it doesn't give you an opportunity to really enjoy life as it is. 

(Ok, for the record, some people may disagree with me but hey, this is where I jot down my opinions, right?) 

Can you imagine, you wanna make new friends from the opposite sex and your girl or boy will go like, uhm, 'how's he/she like? Handsome or not? Pretty or not?'

If yes, well, to avoid many further arguments, you would rather stay status quo. 

In the context of Singapore, especially if your boyfriend/girlfriend is in army, the army boy will be even more insecure and then trust comes into the picture and yadayadayada and the argument commences. 

To summarize, you would feel restricted if you're in a relationship, at this age, of course. 


Moving on, I asked this person in church why didn't she want to be in a relationship during her studying days. (FYI, she's currently in her mid twenties and happily in a relationship)

And she said, 'Looking back at my studying days, I felt that I shouldn't waste my youth on such things like relationships... I told myself that I wanted to spend my youth serving God by studying hard and being involved in church and all so I didn't actually bother being in one.'

She told me this awhile back in the beginning of year and that really struck me, hard. Yes, I was still attached at that time and that got me thinking. After careful deliberation, I kind of dumped him. Ok that's another story, so back to the point. 

Basically, I just want to maximise the freedom I have during my youth. Like, meeting new people, dating a few guys if I'm lucky in NUS, spending time with friends and family, travelling, serving God... 

I guess some people can still enjoy this privilege despite being in a relationship? 
Or maybe this is just a frivolous point of view that I have. 

Yup. I think I'm not yet at that level of maturity to really understand what is it like to be in a relationship, even though I might have some experience in it. 

Well, all these relationship thingy things can be settled in the future I hope, just not now.

If I ever, ever, get into a relationship during my uni days, please remind me of this blog post and say that I'm a hypocrite.

haha. 

Into this magical place

Hello everyone, its been about six years since I have blogged. Opened this place because I thought it was necessary to just pen, uhm, I mean, type down, my thoughts about certain things here. Maybe some can relate to me, well, maybe some of you guys may not. I'm not like Amos Yee or Xiaxue with perfect grammar so please bear with me. 

Whatever, let's begin.

Before I graduated from junior college, I thought that going to this place would be cool, a place for the more than average people, exclusively for the cool people in school. Well, I thought that this place would make me feel more grown up. I am not going to disclose where this place is but I guess you'll find out soon anyway.

Since I'm having my holidays, I must say, I have been visiting this place quite often (I don't know what's your definition of often so) and to be terribly honest, this place made me feel happy. I guess everyone in there feels generally happy, right? 

That place made me feel included, it made me feel as if I was part of something. It was a place where I didn't have to worry about uni applications, parents, other friends, studies, you name it. I'm not sure if this is true but people become more open, more relaxed, more chilled. And this is the kind of company I'd like. 

I think being single has its perks there, guys pick you up, buy drinks for you, dig you, send you home, and the list goes on and on. From the bottom of my heart, I really enjoyed some of them. Needless to say, it did make me feel good and satisfied with who I was. 
Just recently, at a particular moment, it almost became this drug to me. Of course, with this thing called ethanol, everything would seem almost perfect. Again, to be brutally honest, I didn't mind going again and again, just for the fun and everything. 

However, this afternoon, in the office, I started to reflect about how I have been living life.

Reality kind of hit me in the fucking face actually. 

I realised that I wasn't the person that I was anymore. I didn't feel like Sarah Lee anymore. Instead, I felt rather empty inside after realising that I have been treating this place as if it was a living sanctuary where I could find refuge for happiness, joy, whatever shit is that.
I looked around, I saw my mum and my dad. I scanned through my What's App contacts, realising that I have more than enough friends to keep me going and I didn't need this longing to visit this place anymore. What more was that I realised that I did not need one of those perfunctory friendships made in that place anymore. 

Previously I shared how amazing this place is but there's still a very, but not very ugly side of it. It causes friends, couples to break up. And sometimes it makes you lose your dignity.(Again, you may not agree with me but this is just my point of view). It breaks and hurt people, basically. 
I think I need a break from this magical place, to get my shit together and figure things out. 

So, the question is, will I still go back to this incredible place? (The answer might piss you off actually.)


Yes, definitely, after I get my shit together. haha. 

P.S I'm really not the very thoughtful-emotional-poetic kind of person, I'm quite crazy in real life, just using this space to settle my thoughts.