25th year lessons

things have been tough since 2020 though. 2020 was a year of many ups and downs. in fact i think many more downs than ups. on hindsight, there were many tears shed in the car, in the pool, before i sleep. i think i had to go through 2020 to realise certain things about myself that i needed to work on. 

closed 2-3 final accounts, fell in and out of love, yeye's passing - were one of obstacles i had to overcome in 2020. feelings of uncertainty, loss, sadness, stress came in quite frequently. 

at 25, i concluded that i deserve the best. i dont deserve someone who doesnt appreciate me for me. i dont deserve nothing less of what i can offer. and what i mean is - if at work im not happy with something, i will take courage and confront it head on. if someone i like don't reciprocate and appreciate me, its time to drop it and move on. if something is wrong, i need to do something about it and not let it constantly affect me. 

i think i want to stay single for the next 1-3 years. i dont really care whether i meet everyone's expected timeline of marriage or career. haha. probably want to spend the next 3 years exploring the world, experiencing life without the liabilities of good debt and the commitment for the future. 

i want to enjoy life as it is, to take one step at a time, to embrace every moment, to seize every opportunity, to feel every emotion - whether good or bad. i want to make good decisions, buy myself a gucci wallet and watch a BTS concert with my jungkookies. 

life is short, if you're going through a tough time - i suggest that you could take a step back, think about what makes you happy and do it. if you're in a wrong relationship and its not making you happy, i suggest that you be brave and drop it and live your best life. if you like a certain pop star or group, i suggest you to join the fan club and pay that 30 USD, follow their twitter, buy their merch, watch as many youtube videos as you can. i would also like to suggest that if you really like that branded item, ponder for a bit (but not too long tho) and just buy it. 

i remember my mom sharing with me that part of enjoying life is paying for something without the huge financial commitments at the back of your head. not saying that you shouldn't buy a big ticket item so quickly - but more like asking yourself how do you want to enjoy life. 

xx