Friday, May 8, 2020

how i am feeling

i am listening to Leila preaching about my position in Christ via Zoom right now. 
at the same time i am craving for a glass of rose 
possibly a shower as well. 

i am also very tired. tired of work. i told samantha today that being a qs doesnt hit my sweet spot. 
but that didnt matter to me, as long as i knew that i learnt something and grew. 
that doesnt change the fact that my job is not helping me grow from a position of strength. 

from 8.30am to 12.30pm, ive had endless questions about the number, queries, (my feelings), about the contract, speaking in such a way that i dont look stupid to the lawyer. 

im tired, too, because i don't want to make the same mistake i made two years ago. im tired because my heart and my head are not working in sync. the matters of the heart are tough. 

and, i just gifted myself a pair of AirPods Pro and that marked half a year in Arcadis. 

perhaps i am just a seed, growing in the soil. the seed wont be able to see itself grow, but only the farmer could see it. and i'd die to have a glimpse of what the farmer sees. 




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