the sara lee cake

Thoughts while walking around the grocery store 

when we grow up, its either we become more compassionate or hardened. 

of course, for me as an avid Christian, i do believe that compassionate comes by grace. some circumstances we need more grace to have compassion unto others, while in other circumstances, its also natural for us it is easier for us to be empathetic to others. 

i guess everyone experiences life and i get that sometimes life throws itself differently for everyone. perhaps its about acknowledging that experience and using that experience to be empathetic to others will help us become more compassionate. 

i was reminded of Ezekiel 36:26, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."


i can be as kick-ass as sara lee cheese cake 

i stood in front of the freezer section - specifically the cheese cake section for a while. looking at people deciding whether to buy a sarah lee cheese cake. i thought to myself, "whoever is sara lee must be really hardworking to get her name on this cheese cake" or "she must be kickass to make a name for herself".

and like wise, i hope, with all honesty, that i may become kick ass one day, too.

how i am feeling

i am listening to Leila preaching about my position in Christ via Zoom right now. 

at the same time i am craving for a glass of rose 

possibly a shower as well. 

i am also very tired. tired of work. i told samantha today that being a qs doesnt hit my sweet spot. 

but that didnt matter to me, as long as i knew that i learnt something and grew. 

that doesnt change the fact that my job is not helping me grow from a position of strength. 

from 8.30am to 12.30pm, ive had endless questions about the number, queries, (my feelings), about the contract, speaking in such a way that i dont look stupid to the lawyer. 

im tired, too, because i don't want to make the same mistake i made two years ago. im tired because my heart and my head are not working in sync. the matters of the heart are tough. 

and, i just gifted myself a pair of AirPods Pro and that marked half a year in Arcadis. 

perhaps i am just a seed, growing in the soil. the seed wont be able to see itself grow, but only the farmer could see it. and i'd die to have a glimpse of what the farmer sees.