The Start of Something New

24 weeks of year 1 just passed by like that. I could safely say that I have found myself during my first year in uni. Semester 2 was rather special in a sense that I got even closer to my friends and more importantly, God. In sem 2, I found myself stepping out of my comfort zone, taking a step of faith to pursue my dreams.

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The most defining moment

In the middle of sem 2, the most defining moment was when Gerald preached about Moses and the firing bush. He said that it was an impromptu message and it was something deep from his heart. In that moment, when he explained about how Moses was struggling to chase God's purpose for him, I felt as if God was speaking to me and pushing me to start something new.

At that point of time, I honestly felt like shit because I felt I was the most unworthy person to all my friends and family and my self esteem was lower than the deepest foundation. Those words in the text just kept appearing in my head, the accusations, everything, just kept repeating in my head. I was struggling. After that cell group meeting, I was extremely conflicted.

I started asking myself, if I'm such a bad person or a person that does shit in the club, then who am I to lead prayer meetings or even to receive a prayer from my cell group leader or even have God to listen to my prayers. If what that person said was true, then I think I'm probably one of the worst person in the world.

Sometimes I still feel this way. Sometimes before I sleep, I think about this and ask God whether am I really that bad of a person. I was really affected by it.

Nonetheless, I took the courage to believe that all my sins were forgiven and repented and moved on. Just like Moses, he did his own set of wrong doings but yet he just did what God told him to do. Just like Moses, I asked God whether I was good enough to lead a prayer meeting or to become a leader in church.

And I just did it anyway.

I decided to blog about this because I teared a bit when Pastor Kong and Sun prayed for me pursuing my passions and I got reminded of this episode of my life.

For all you stalker readers here, don't be afraid to chase your dreams, surround yourselves with positive friends who will grow with you and I believe with all my heart that you'll definitely find yourself in a better place.


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Passion

I found my passion somewhere in the middle of sem 2. It's not in radio, neither is it in life saving nor swimming, but in my course, Project and Facilities Management. Don't ask me how it all happened but that sparked just came all of a sudden.

Now I know the real reason why I chose PFM. I want to honor my parents, I want to continue their legacy in the playground industry and I believe in the value of playgrounds. It scares me every time when I think about this becoming a sun-set industry but I believe that God will make a way for us. It was a very sudden thing that I started being more interested in the construction landscape. I don't mind standing in front of a construction site from a far just to observe what the supervisors and construction workers are doing. It's just very invigorating for me.

Because of this passion in me, I decided to take up an internship in an events company. (I took up this internship partly cause I wanted to save money to travel as well) Its 9.40pm now and I'm dead tired. This afternoon when I was working, there were so many moments when I wanted to give up until Joshua replied my tweet, '20% passion, 80% choice' and that really reminded me of my passion towards PFM.

At the same time, I don't think this passion would last for so long if it wasn't for Fiona. Thank you for indulging in me, for being the most supportive christian friend in uni... and for always keeping me grounded in Jesus.

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It seems like everything goes back to Jesus and yes, Jesus is everything to me. That kind of sums up my first year in NUS.

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